My 23andMe Adventure

** This is an ongoing Blog and will be updated as things progress**

 

For anyone considering the 23andMe DNA test, here is a timeline and my experience with it.

23andMe - Genetic Testing for Ancestry; DNA Test  Random, interesting and maybe a little scary too...:
*Photo Courtesy of 23andMe.com

 

 

My reason for testing – I’m an adoptee. My maternal grandparents adopted me at birth, and I have known my birthmother my entire life. Birthfather = undetermined. Contact has been made with him once before, but he denied it….so here I am.


Saturday, February 25th, 2017 – Ordered my test!!!

I am so stinking excited and scared out of my mind at the same time. What have I done? Will this cause more undue heartache? Will this give me the peace of mind that I feel I am constantly searching for?

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Monday, February 27th, 2017 – The test has been shipped! What??? *Cue the butterflies*

The email came through while I was out running around town on lunch. My first thought, “well that escalated quickly”.  As much as I have wanted this and for as long as I have wanted this, I am feeling hesitant now. But I am my father’s (grandfather) child, the money is spent it’s too late to turn back now.

I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve:


Tuesday, February 28th, 2017 – Seriously??

I am actually finding a little humor in this! I live in the Carolinas, and here it is my package is mailed from North Carolina across country! I could have taken a road trip.

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Saturday, March 4th, 2017 – It’s arrived!

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Monday, March 6th, 2017 – Time to spit! Ewwwww

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Tuesday, March 14th, 2017 –  The waiting game is on…..the sample was received March 11th.

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Hello 40!

Five days into my 40’s and I am loving it!

Celebrating my 40th birthday with my love, John, was absolutely wonderful and hilarious. He and I have the best times together! He’s an amazing man. 

Saturday, I had a chance to continue the celebration with two of my sisters, oldest daughter, and my oldest niece. Great food, sunshine, springtime weather, and shopping combined with lots of laughter made for a wonderful day. 

What is about birthdays that makes you think about all the things you want to do? Is it the thought that you are “running out of time” so to speak? Or is it a process of maturing? Whatever it is, I am definitely experiencing it!

So to announce my new adventures…

  • Yesterday I placed my order for my 23 and Me dna kit!!! I am ecstatic about finding out “who” I am. Being adopted, I often deal with a feeling of lost identity regardless of the fact it was a family adoption. I don’t know the other half of me, so I am taking advantage of my options.
  • Golf! Yes, I said golf. John loves golfing, and I thought “wow, what better way to enjoy our time together than being outside enjoying nature, and having some laughs?”. We can laugh at ourselves better than anyone can, and we are not competitive against one another. We enjoy each other’s company, and he has so much patience with me that I am sure he will help me learn the game. 

I, of course, realize that my birthday was no different than the day before. The only change was my age. I have to make the changes that I want to see happen. There’s no fairy godmother waving her magic wand changing my life for the better. That’s my job! 

I still have things from my past to get over, but I am very proud to say that the depression I usually feel on, and around, my birthday was not present this year. I have truly managed to release some of the hostility I held against my unknown, biological father. He is no longer controlling my thoughts with his constant “presence” since I chose to release him. 

There are many things left for me to conquer..smoking, hostility towards Disney World, insecurities a plenty which involves abandonment  (another lovely side effect of being an adoptee), and the list goes on. However, I do keep in mind that with John by my side I can overcome any obstacles in my path. He has no idea how he strengthens me. 

Goodbye to the Man I Will Never Know

As 40 approaches, I find myself in need of some “spring cleaning” so to speak. That good deep cleaning that reaches all the dust mites and cobwebs hidden out of sight.

That’s what you are sir. You are the dust mites and cobwebs hidden out of sight in my soul. Every annual trigger I catch a glimpse of you and try to pretend you are not there. You made a choice before my birth to leave your traces behind and move on with your life. I have often questioned “does he think of me?”, “does he regret not sticking around to find out if I was his?”, “how can he go through life with the idea of me out there, and the possibility of him being my father?”, and many, many more questions.

I was a lucky baby. I was adopted by my grandparents who gave me the best they could, and I will forever be thankful for them. When I found out I was adopted at 5 years old from another little girl, they were open and honest with me. I learned about you when  I was 7. When I was 20 I made an attempt to contact you, only to contact your father instead. He would have gladly accepted me (yes he wrote me back)! He forwarded that letter to you, and you denied me! Twenty years ago, Facebook didn’t exist. I searched for you the best AOL and I could, but who knew that I would find your daughters and your wife years later on Facebook. That’s right, I never stopped searching for you even after you denied me. I even made contact with your oldest daughter, as an old family friend. Her words were “I am the spitting image of my dad” when I asked her if you were her father. It took everything I had not to reply back, WELL THAT MAKES TWO OF US! because she and I could pass for twins, minus her heavier set build. Turns out she and I are only 5 years apart. She was born when my life was being shattered by a little girl on the playground who had heard her mother talking about me and my adoption (OH the SCANDAL! *every ounce of sarcasm you can imagine is there!).

I have carried thoughts of you with me for the past 35 years,  33 if you count when you were identified. You have been a heavy load to carry, but as I move into my 4th decade I am leaving YOU behind. I am tired of being angry with you, hurt by you, the wondering is exhausting, and quite frankly I have reached the point where I NOTHING YOU! I don’t hate you any longer, I don’t idolize you and make you into something more than you are not or maybe you are (heck I don’t know, I don’t know you!). I don’t want you in my life any longer, or the lives of my girls. You made your choice, and I could have sought you out but that was a chance I decided not to take. You’ve rejected me once! Your loss is my gain! I have me and my girls, I have a dad who still calls me baby, I had a mother that loved me and made sure I knew I wasn’t a mistake, and a birthmother who did her best to stay involved.

I wish you well sir, and from now on my birthdays are no longer reserved for thoughts of you!

Goodbye!

Sometimes we need to release a story and let it go. Is there something you need to let go? #NowIsTheTime #Free2Luv: